I have been abandoning this blog for how long??

Nah, I dunno what to do..

The last few years I just wrote some random posts and half-assed fics. I have so much time in my hand and sometimes, I wrote fics and such on my laptop. But I just left them rotten there…

Anyway, to random people reading this post, how’s your life going? Are there things that make you feel particularly thankful? Are there things that make you feel particularly sorrow?

For me, life is always a roller-coaster ride. It’s always a mix of happiness-sadness-happiness-sadness. It’s going pretty well so far, but I can’t say that it is 100% well. There is always a time gap between this and that thing (I kinda feel like God wants to test my patience and determination? haha), but since I have been becoming a more laid-back person, I feel less anxious compared to the past. I just go with the wind and enjoy everything…





I can’t believe Chester died!

Really, I can’t believe it!!!!

Like, it’s fucking Linkin Park and it’s fucking their vocalist who died!! I can’t believe we won’t hear his voice anymore in the future. Yes, his voice which coloured some parts of my youth.

At some point, I can relate to him.

I know what he was talking about when he talked about ‘bad neighbour’.

It almost feels I’ve been watching him struggling against depression almost two decades only by listening to his songs.

It’s too sad that he ended up his story with suicide.

He is too precious.

“I’ve tried so hard, and got so far. But in the end, it doesn’t even matter”



*been replaying their songs these three days, and I’m still crying*




it struck me again, for the umpteenth times…maybe it was not the last…maybe it will come back soon at some point in my life…and maybe I’ll have to deal with it forever.



Could u please just disappear?

Because I’m not going to…


Fanfiction, Uncategorized

(Fanfic) The Dancer


Untuk kesekian kalinya, iris kami kembali bertaut. Aku bisa melihat kegelapan yang membalut matanya. Kegelapan yang panjang dan menyesakkan bak lorong tua yang tak seharusnya kutelusuri. Tapi aku tak bisa mengalihkan mataku barang semili. Ketika iris kami bertaut seperti ini, duniaku seolah terhenti.

“Kau tahu Krys, mereka terus membicarakanmu tanpa henti, dan aku muak mendengar semua itu”.
Continue reading “(Fanfic) The Dancer”


(Fanfic) Confessions 2/2

Confession_(2010-Japan) 2

|Confessions: Kitahara Mizuki|

Confessions: Watanabe Shuuya


Garis sederhana itu berhasil mengoyak harapanku untuk bertemu okaasan. Tentu saja, tentu saja!! Mengapa aku tidak menyadarinya sejak awal?? Wanita jalang itu tak akan pernah berani menyuntikkan darah HIV dalam box susu murid-muridnya.


Aku merobek kertas hasil medical check up itu dan membakarnya. Mizuki berdiri di sisi api unggun yang kami buat dan berkata “Kau yakin akan membakarnya?”. Aku mengabaikannya.

Continue reading “(Fanfic) Confessions 2/2”

Fanfiction, Uncategorized

(Drabble) Unloved


Ketika mendengar berita kematian Tatsuya, gadis itu memilih tidak percaya. Ia tertawa dan menuduh temannya berdusta. “Kau pasti mengada-ada!”. Baginya, dunia ini adalah kebohongan, dan berita bahwa Tatsuya bunuh diri itu pastilah salah satu kebohongan juga.


Tetapi temannya tidak ikut tertawa, pun tautan alisnya tak jua mengendur. “Aku serius”, ucap temannya penuh penekanan. Gadis itu kembali mencari sisa-sisa petunjuk bahwa temannya berbohong, tetapi segala yang tersirat di sana hanya kejujuran. Lalu seketika gadis itu tersadar: Tatsuya benar-benar sudah pergi.

Ia terdiam sangat lama, membeku, seperti embun di musim dingin. Telinganya berdengung kencang hingga ia tak bisa mendengar apapun. Terakhir kali ia bertemu Tatsuya adalah di pertengahan musim semi dua bulan yang lalu. Hari yang terlalu indah untuk putus cinta sesungguhnya, tetapi tak ada yang bisa ia perbuat ketika pemuda berambut cokelat terang dan bertato ular itu memilih meninggalkannya. Ia tak pernah cukup baik untuk Tatsuya. Continue reading “(Drabble) Unloved”


(Flashfic) Last Flower



I was walking through Pleasance Street when I realized that the road was wet. Rain had just stopped, but the cloud and the cold were still there. Hanging above my head like a massive black umbrella. A puddle stared at the empty vast galaxy, waiting for the stars to fall on its surface. But all I can see there were the dimmed street lamp and loneliness. And myself. And the loneliness within. Continue reading “(Flashfic) Last Flower”


Life is Pretty Colorful Here


This city is lovely. It’s full of classic buildings that give Victorian era vibes, people of all races, sound of various languages, and of course, sophisticated public facilities. The cold wind blows strongly every day which makes me lazy to go out of my big-but-shabby flat. This is bad! There are a lot to explore , yet I keep cuddling under the duvet while enjoying some chocolates. Moreover, my lovely slender(?) legs hurt so much for climbing hills almost every morning. lol

Anywaaaayy, I went to Princes Street a few days ago and realized that it is really a sinful place for people on budget like me. From not-so-branded to luxurious items, from high street to high end, from Primark to Topshop, I found everything there. And damn, the price sounds pretty reasonable here >< I had to hold back the urge to grab everything and put them in my basket. Whenever luxurious things sparkled in front of my eyes while waving its discount tag, I had to tell myself “You don’t need it, girl! You already have one at home. Look! The price is not as cheap as it seems once you convert it to Rupiah. better save up your money!”. Oh, I wanna cry TT_TT Continue reading “Life is Pretty Colorful Here”